Hodgepodge Uncertainty

The air is hot, dry, and stagnant. These past few days have been riddled with chaos, fire, violence, and confusion. I know that I have said for a while that I would put pen to paper about the happenings of the world, but up until now I have been caught up in a whirlwind of macro and micro strife that seemed to consume all of my time. It’s a hot summer evening in late August, and I cannot believe how much can change in a few months, a few days, or even in some cases a few hours.

I was born and raised in the mountains of Colorado. Most of my childhood was spent wandering the forest, and pondering all the things that small children do. I would like to think that that is there was to my upbringing, however I learned at a very young age how vile humanity can be. Yet, there was always a part of me that felt that there was a profound change coming. Something so big that the world couldn’t just ignore it like we so often do. I don’t want to proclaim that I know what is still to come, but I do know that the trails and changes have just started for us all. This is a time of historic significance for all of humanity. This is the year that everthing begins. 2020.

As of late it has been hard to harness one thought stream from another. My mind races from meeting daily needs, to wondering what the next life trauma might be for us all to experience. There have been days that I have witnessed the immense empathy that we can hold for one another as neighbor reaches out to help neigbor. I have also seen the overwhelmingly hostile hatred that we can have as I see people being brutalized, tourmented, and murdered. I can’t help to think that while one brings about a sense of happiness, and the other fear, both hold a place here in this time. For this is a time of change. A time for transformation, and a time of choice. Do we turn away from the world, one another, ourselves? Can the majority of humanity even still recognize their own inner voice? Do their thoughts speak the same as mine?

Throughout the entirety of my life I have wittnesed many facets that humanity chooses to show to the world. There have been those so lost in the depths of their internal sorrows they only know how to take from others and swear allegiance to noone save their desires. There have been the couragous ones that climbed out of the depths of thier internal darkness to shine their light so vividly on the world that there prescence is like an exposion of light that much like a star shines it brightest at their demise. There have been those that choose to never entertain the thoughts of our existnece and meerly want to exisit in a way that provides no struggle often at the exchange of no challenge. And some are so consumed with what it takes to survive theyve little time or care to consider anything more than their existence and minor satisfactions.

Where does that leave us in this hodgepodge mix of a society? In a world that strives to connect us, we push each other further apart. Safety amongst allies becomes blurred with manipulations, idealology, our own fears. Is it any wonder that we feel such rage, such fear? While it is easy to say that this does more harm to ourselves and others, it is also easy to see that many of us feel that that is all that we have left. We are a house that is so divided it resembles ruins.

I wish that I could say with certainty what day this all began, but really it is an accumulation of many lifetimes that has finally reached a violent crescendo. We can no longer hide from ourselves or each other. The veil is being lifted and we are all being shown who we have been, who we collectively are, and now we get to decide who we are to become. Will we choose to continue to divide ourselves, creating invisible barriers that segregate us from them? Or will we finally come to a place where we can see each other for our potential. Will we look into the mirror and walk past, or will we wipe the mud of generations off of our faces? Now is an opportunity to choose a different path, to change the narrative of us vs them. But first, first we need to decide who we are, and who we will be.