Love vs. Hate

The spiral of mutual destruction

Love and Hate hold the same frequency, but create vastly different outcomes.

Both hold on fiercely, but one uplifts, and the other causes intentional harm.

When the two hold the same space with imbalance, a vicious cycle is created filled with addictive deep emotions of joy and repugnant emotions of pain.

It can become a cycle so vicious between two people that neither one knows how to let go. At least not completely, or at the same time.

There is always that hesitation, but what if they change? What if I change? We want it so desperately to be what it isn’t so we keep going back.

Both parties can truly believe that it is love, and maybe at one point it was, but somewhere along the way it became distorted, and became everything that love isn’t.

And in that yearning to go back to what it was, or what it was perceived to be rather, they become trapped in a bond of mutual destruction.

That’s why sometimes people keep gravitating towards each other while simultaneously tearing each other apart.

In time it begins to feel like the only person that could understand you or your ping pong emotional fluctuation is the very person who is perpetuating the damage.

In the midst of that cycle, it becomes so hard to see it from any other perspective except a strong need for that person to be around while also feeling a strong repulsion to them.

It becomes a habit and frequency between you both, and it takes genuine reflection to change direction.

But sometimes one may choose to change the narrative, while the other chooses complacency and continues the cycle.

It’s in direct contrast to love when we choose to live in that type of bond.

And in time it wears you down to the point that you no longer have the same foundation of yourself because you gave that away in the process of hanging on with love, then hate, then love, then hate.

To stay in that cycle is to bring about destruction.

You start to diminish yourself, your integrity weakens with each decision to continue to be engulfed in the flames of trying to hold onto something that was maybe never really there to begin with….

One day you realize, even if at one point it was love, it is very much not love now. And the thing you have been holding onto no longer exists, or maybe it never did.

Once there is nothing left to destroy there is a pile of ashes, and as you look around in your stunned solitude you begin to understand that letting go was the only option there ever was.

And then the real work begins. Because everything you thought to be true about life, yourself, others is in absolute wreckage.

For me, forgiving myself was the hardest. Because looking back, I saw so many opportunities to walk away yet I chose to try.

In the same token it speaks to my desire to love genuinely without control.

I gave away my dignity in an attempt to prove my love for someone who didn’t love me. They used me, hurt me, and took from me things that could never be returned.

I wanted to choose love, forgiveness, compassion, understanding through the madness all I wanted was to help someone else become better.

The thing is, when someone is intentionally causing you harm, in choosing to love them you are choosing not to love yourself. That’s where the yo-yo begins.

In the midst of that entanglement, it’s harder to see what it is, but in time it begins to make sense and become illuminated until you can no longer disregard the truth. It needs to stop.

Maybe it’s a deep-rooted need to feel wanted, or a desire to help someone become a better version of themselves.

Regardless, you cannot choose to keep loving someone while they choose to keep violating you.

When the scales are heavily weighted in hate, there is no space for love to exist.

Because while love and hate hold the same energy, they do not give the same outcome.

Love seeks understanding, Hate places blame. One uplifts, the other puts down.

Love gives freely. Hate is consumed with jealousy.  One liberates, the other controls.

Love is honesty. Hate is words to inflict harm. One creates genuine connection, the other isolates and degrades.

Love is vulnerability. Hate is secrecy. One builds trust, the other creates suspicion and brews betrayal.

Love looks within to be better for themselves and others. Hate blames and ridicules anyone they feel threatened by. One requires strength, the other shows weakness.

Love communicates to find resolution. Hate throws hurtful words merely to inflict harm. One holds space for growth, the other hinders any mutual ground.

The irony is that one cannot truly exist without the other. And even in a loving connection sometimes these moments can arise, just not the the same magnitude of intensity.

It took me experiencing everything that love isn’t to truly experience gratitude for what love truly is.

Still… Was that necessary? For me maybe it was. 

It was necessary so that I could understand how much love I have to give.

It gave me the courage to love boldly, and the discernment to see when the balance starts to shift between love and hate.

It taught me how to break free from the frequencies instilled in me from youth. And gave me the courage to rewrite and redefine what it means to love.