The words that are left unspoken can fill and stifle a room; it is silent and ever present demanding to be known. Each gesture, conversation, thought sprinkled with bits of hidden truths, slowly etching out the reality of the true inclination of self.
It is much easier to live a life where we stuff everything unpleasant down, tuck it away, determined to forget. Yet they persist, and will remain until the day it erupts, we dig it out, or we muster the courage to speak what yearns to be spoken.
When these truths seep out from under their suppression, they come out in the form of delusion, microaggressions, and withdrawal. These slowly begin to erode the foundations that we build with ourselves and others, and leave a weakened structure of who we fundamentally are.
Often instead of facing our unspoken truths, we clamor to digest any narrative that is more attractive. A narrative that will guide us to the state of things happening to us, rather than us seeking to have that experience, while this is more palatable, it is a gross misrepresentation of life’s actuality.
So, What is to be done with the musty box of stored truths of who we are? Do they in their lack of transparency change our core essence? Do they alter the way that we grow? Or, do they deny us the experience of true interconnection with the world around us?
The thing about everything that is left unspoken, is that it finds a way to fill the space. It seeps out of us, we wear it on our face and in our actions. The only thing that is gained by hiding our truths is that we create a false sense of security, and become blind to the truth coming out regardless of our uncomfortability.
Granted, at times, there is comfort in the silence, a reassurance that the masks displayed remain unaltered by the authenticity that our thoughts bring. The reality is that once spoken it impels us to create boundaries, reject opinions, or to embrace and learn from our past mistakes.
What is it about our mistakes that burden us with the perception of being flawed instead of human? The deniability of the idea that we can make flawed choices and not be flawed hinders us from separating the experience from our true intent.
The act of suppressing unspoken words in our intrapersonal relationship creates a space where we diminish our significance in our own lives, and therefore the lives of others. Making the sense of security that was forged from that suppression nothing more than a fabricated reality.
The suppression in our interpersonal relationships denies all parties involved the ability to create a solid and genuine foundation in their connectedness. Placing these falsities in that connection will eventually deteriorate the relationship, and lead to a complete separation of understanding.
So, we are left with a choice, do we allow our hidden truths to fillet ourselves and others, or do we boldy declare our truths? It is easy to create a habit of masking our authenticity as it creates a cycle that feeds into the narrative that others are unreliable especially if we blind ourselves to the the reality of the harm it causes that leads to an inevitable separation of understanding. With honesty we foster true connectedness and understanding. Each thought and conversation we have leads us to one of these outcomes.
Words can encourage growth or hinder it. Things spoken out of intense emotions can drown a relationship, voiding all opportunities for life. And in turn, words spoken with kindness can strengthen the bonds we have with one another. Regardless of which path we choose, they can never go back, therefore it’s imperative that we are consciously aware of how we choose to speak to one another. This is even more important when speaking to children because as a role in their lives, our words become their inner narrative, and the closer we are to them, the more weight is carried with those words. Once spoken, it becomes a part of reality.
The beauty of choosing to be transparent and kind with ourselves is that it becomes second nature to show that same kindness and grace to others. It is not to say that at times we will choose less than kind words, but by giving ourselves grace in our mistakes we can be present in our authenticity instead of in the past lamenting over the past. And, as we make this a continued practice we foster more love, and encourage others to embark on the same journey.
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