Oh, Love

Hello.

How can one word carry so much weight?

The unknown of the implication that might be lurking behind this salutation

I am caught somewhere between butterflies and a rock in my stomach

But curiosity wins, and I find that despite all the thoughts rushing through my head I return the greeting

It comes out more like a question

Then the words I’ve heard replayed over and over in my head are being said audibly

Oh, love

The breath rushes back into my lungs, and I am immediately overcome by a wave of sanctuary

Yet there are still more words coming from the other end, and I try desperately to catch up

What is he saying?

Unable to completely comprehend how it is that like a flash his presence is once again in my world, I sheepishly mutter wait, love, wait

I quickly grab my coat and rush outside into the cool night air to seek seclusion because this is my conversation, and I want to experience it with no distractions

I listen as he tells me of his travels, his lovers, his thoughts, his feelings

They are all still scattered about and uncertain, but there is more brightness to the voice, more peace

I wanted to be angry for this call, to lash out against all the perceived hurt, but the fight I’ve been struggling with internally has been largely because you can’t hurt that which you love

Though parts sting, I started to recognize that that was largely due to my misconceptions and his lack of clear communication

Yet, I still feel as if I have been cast out into the ocean at the mercy of its movement, no control, and no idea where it is taking us

In that forced surrender I find harmony in the waves, and understanding that if I fight the movement it will take me under

I completely submit to the wave of love that has been welling up in my heart, and I find that it feels amazing, even amongst the storm as I hear his voice singing for me

I lay down and look up at the moon and all is right in my mind, even though I’ve been consumed by so much uncertainty, one thing is certain…

Oh love, I am yours

Even if for this one moment, I knew I was going to have it while I could no matter what the light of the next day might bring

Part of me knows that this could in the end absolutely devastate me but for this night, I am his love

The night grows still, and the sound of his breathing is heavy with tiredness and I find its as comforting as every night that I’ve ever shared with him

The call ends with a simple I love you

And at least for tonight that is what I choose, no doubts or pain just our bond

Oh, love

I will never regret loving you as fiercely as I can every opportunity I am graced with until the next hello