Erratic

I sever these ties and watch them fall to the floor

Strand by strand the bond grows weaker

Desperately my soul clings to what was before

And I grow bitter, sadder, and meaner

 

My heart cries and my mind yells no

Yet still here I sit cutting

Bit by bit letting parts of you go

I can see the door shutting

 

Please know it’s because I feel battered

And If I don’t I’ll surly perish

Yet still I feel enamored

The conflict is so nightmarish

 

I want to be strong and stand ready for your return

I am still here seeking reasons to keep going

Yet your words have been etched and forever they burn

And I am still here alone and hurt by not knowing

 

This is not what I wanted for us

And maybe you feel that way to

Yet I feel thoughts of me bring you disgust

What are we to do?

 

Still I’m left here with no other choice

But to proceed with my cutting

Longing for the sound of your voice

And to wonder what I am becoming

 

The choices that lay before me

Are to sever or to stay

Yet both will simply destroy me

And still I see no other way

 

Still I know my heart is yours

To trash or to keep

I just don’t know how long I can endure

The silence and lack of sleep

 

The rope that tied my heart to you

Is frayed and soaked in tears

Still my heart belongs to you

And will likely be yours for years

 

Your words still echo in my mind

Sweet softness and bitter lies

Will this ache go away with time?

Oh, how it kills to be despised

 

Still I am filled with such longing

To feel my lips pressed to your face

Maybe my pain I am only prolonging

And you wish to disappear without a trace

 

Each facet of you was entrancing

And my breath stops each time I think you’re here

What the ***k am I romancing

When I know you’ll likely disappear

 

I simply don’t know any longer what to believe

Still cutting, with a void that makes my heart feel airy

Like a wound it needs to breathe

Because it is bleeding but foolishly unwary

 

So, I sit here with my blade with conflicting thoughts inside me

Wondering is it your wish to stay

Or if your love you will deny me

Its all too conflicting to convey

 

So love I’m still here waiting

Cutting as slowly as I can

Your return I am foolishly anticipating

I hope you find the answer in your caravan